Today I went to my third school taster day and after the previous one I was extremely nervous. Since I was very overwhelmed last time, the teachers decided for an even more gradual start and it ended up going okay!
By Ida Anderson
My last taster day left me feeling very overwhelmed and anxious. I had to mask my feelings for a few hours until my mum collected me and as soon as I left the building, I told my mum I didn't want to go back there again. However, my mum explained to the teachers what happened, and they were very understanding. Since the work I did last time was very stressful for me, we took it back a notch and all I did was talk to one of the teachers and the therapist.
I wasn't having the best morning, I started off by getting a lot of anxiety and I was sad that my boyfriend wasn't responding to my messages. And since I had such a busy week this week full of dreadful stuff like injections, the doctors, the dentist, a scary appointment, I had completely lost my energy. All I wanted to do was go back to bed, but I managed to get ready. I listened to some happy music which gave me a bit of motivation and I watched some TV before we left.
Today my mum was allowed to stay at the school with me, so I wasn't completely alone, and I could feel more relaxed. Me and my mum started off by talking to the English teacher, he was very nice and friendly. We talked about some of the things I have found difficult in schools, for example working alone since if I get stuck, I would be too afraid to ask the teacher for help. He listened to that really carefully and was very understanding. About 10 minutes later, the therapist joined, and we were all talking about how I would get a very gradual start and that we will take it at my own pace. This is was very helpful because I wouldn't want to overload myself with too much, otherwise I would feel very stressed and get upset.
We worked out that I would only come in on a Tuesday for a few weeks and see how it goes. Instead of helping out on the Christmas Fayre, I would be doing English with the teacher I saw today. It would be a 1 to 1 and this way I will get more familiar with him and eventually feel comfortable to ask him for help if I get stuck on my work. Then on the third week, I might go in for two days. The first day would be in a classroom with 3 other students plus the English teacher. I believe the students would be quietly doing their own thing and I wouldn't have to talk to them as I'd probably be too shy to. However, it would be nice getting used to working around others my own age.
I am a little worried about doing English with the teacher. Although the teacher is extremely nice, English has never my best subject and I lack a lot of confidence when it comes to writing about stories or things I am not familiar with. I think it would be easier if I knew what I would be writing about so then I have time to prepare. However, I wouldn't want to prepare too much because otherwise I would end up doing all the work and research at home.
Either way, this day has been really good, and I am happy I went again! I may have felt more comfortable since my mum was there, but I hope that the next school taster day will go just as smoothly. I am very lucky to have found such an understanding school, because when I was struggling in my mainstream schools there would have been nothing done about it.