My self-harming story

Hello, this is a very dull story, but I thought I should write about it, as I know I am not the only one who has been through this.

By Ida Anderson

When I first started self-harming, I was roughly 14. A lot of things had built up for me to do it but what really triggered me was when I met a girl who self-harmed. She came to visit my school for the day, and she seemed very nice. I didn't think much of it, but later on I heard some girls say rumours about how she had cuts on her arms. I was very depressed at the time and once the thought of self-harming had entered my head, I couldn't get it out. I remember being in the bathroom when I tried it for the first time. I can't remember exactly what I was thinking but I wish I had never done it.

I had self-harmed for a few days and you could clearly see the marks on my arm. I tried to cover it up as much as possible and hide it from my parents. However, one day I was at school and I am pretty sure some students noticed. They supposedly told the teacher who then phoned my parents. I was so upset that my parents found out and I promised I wouldn't do it again. But once I started it was very hard to stop. I just couldn't resist the temptation and at the time, I was on failed medication which really enhanced my bad thoughts.

For 4 years I have self-harmed on and off. And even though I don't have suicidal or depressed thoughts anymore, my self-harming habits never fully went away. If something drastically wrong happens in my life or I have a bad meltdown, I feel tempted to do it.

That being said, I have been clean for almost 3 months which is a really good progress of mine. I also don't like the scars on my arms so that's another reason not to self-harm. And now that my diet has finally caught up with me, my scars don't heal as well as they used to.

I just really wish I could have had a better coping method instead of thinking harm was my only option.

Feel free to let me know what you think!

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