My OCD doesn’t like that

Today I went to the doctors since I was struggling with my projectile vomiting issues. They may have found what was finally causing it, however, to get better I will have to take these powder sachets.

By Ida Anderson

For 2 years I had been struggling with vomiting (not on purpose) and today the doctor finally discovered what might be wrong.

The doctor said I would have to take these powder sachets twice a day, but I didn’t realise how big they were. We got home and my mum mixed a sachet with water and it honestly felt like half a glass of poison. I had to drink it to get better and yet all I wanted to do was throw it away. It didn't even smell that bad but just the thought of it was really upsetting my OCD.

With drinks and foods my OCD will tell me what is safe and what is not. For example, meat and dairy products aren’t safe but rice and tomato soup is safe. I don’t know why exactly but it’s very hard to disagree with what my OCD says.

As I’m typing these words right now, the drink is sitting in front of me and I can feel my anxiety building up. I would usually avoid an unsafe drink, but I have to drink this one as it’s medicine. And not only do I have the pressure of myself to drink it, but I also have my mum and doctor pressuring me. This is not good for my PDA as it causes me more stress.

The thoughts in my head are saying I can’t do it, over and over again and I know how stupid this may sound because it’s just a drink. However, if my OCD doesn’t like something, it makes it really hard for me to do it.

Half an hour later, I finally built up some courage to drink it. I put on some music to try calm me down and I took a small gulp of the drink...

This made my OCD extremely unhappy and I ended up projectile vomiting the drink plus my meal I had from earlier. The fact that my OCD controls me so much over food and drinks really upsets me. And now I don’t know what to do because I’m stuck in a loop, without getting the medicine my vomiting will continue.

Feel free to let me know what you think!

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