BDD stands for Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It is a mental health condition in which someone spends a long time worrying about their appearance. I for one hate my face!
By Ida Anderson
My BDD has led me to believe my face is extremely ugly. Sometimes ugly isn't even the word, it is more like "not normal". I would constantly look in mirrors, checking every single angle of my face to see the flaws that other people might see in me.
When I was younger, I used to want plastic surgery and I thought it was the only way to make someone like me look pretty. I would think of ways to be able to afford a nose job or random other plastic surgeries. I didn't think I'd ever be able to find love looking the way I did. I still hate my nose but I'm so thankful I never did any surgeries, and I did end up finding love!
I can't remember how long ago my insecurity upon my face started, however when I was 15, I got diagnosed with BDD. At the age of 15 my BDD was significantly affecting my life and I felt so ugly that I didn't even want to leave the house. I would spend most of my days hibernating in my room so no one could see me.
Due to my OCD and BDD I would spend 4 hours in the morning putting on makeup, trying to hide some of my flaws like my eyebrows and acne. But no matter how much makeup I put on I was never 100% happy. I hated my nose, jawline, forehead and there was nothing I could do to cover them up. I would only leave the house for school because I didn't want people anywhere else to see my ugliness. But even with school I could barely make it in due to my makeup routine going wrong or my self-esteem crashing down.
I currently use my hair as a protection blanket and hide behind it so no one can see my whole face. Even though I feel comfortable with my boyfriend, not even he has seen my hair in a ponytail or tied up! And I'm sure a lot of people with BDD have this but I absolutely hate having photos taken of me. If I do take a picture, I edit it and use this phone app that allows you to add makeup onto a photo. That way no one can see the true ugliness of my face!